Thanks Jane for sharing this!

I continue to be very impressed by Ruth – her steadfast faith and dependence on God, her loyalty to Naomi, her humility and respect for Boaz, but the last time I read her story I saw in fresh light, the providence of God during her life challenge.

Since I left home to move to a new country, I have believed that My God who brought me here will also take me through the journey here. Though there are times when my spirit is down and I long for home, the purpose that God is achieving through this season keeps me on my feet and on my knees! Many years back, God took Ruth too through her journey in a foreign land. Though we read of closer kinsmen, God sends her to glean in the field of Boaz – a kind and God fearing man. I see God’s loving hand guiding her to a place where her present needs would be met and her future would be secured. Ruth, probably weighed down and weary, went with the sole purpose of getting leftovers to fill her hunger and provide for Naomi, expecting nothing more and knowing nothing of the grand story that God had already written out.

As we read Ruth’s story, we begin to see glimpses of hope in her life – she finds undeserving favor in the eyes of Boaz and is asked to stay in the field as long as she wants to without having to look for another field. She is allowed to glean even the sheaves of grain and not just the leftovers.  God does for her more than what she needed at that point – though she had come to glean after the harvesters, she goes back with a full stomach, leftover food for Naomi and a good measure (about 22 litres) of barley that she had gathered! A woman who had lost everything, begins to taste abundance – begins to experience a God who provides.

And then we notice how God takes care of her small needs, needs I would guess she didn’t even express. Through Boaz, God ensures her safety when he tells his men not to touch her or embarrass her if she picked the sheaves. Boaz also makes sure the jars are filled with water so that she may have a drink when tired. She finds company among the servant girls – I can’t imagine being among a bunch of women and being lonely!!

And then God goes right ahead and stumps her!! He finds her a husband and gives her a new home. The woman who did not consider herself even as worthy as the servant girls, becomes the master’s wife! She is praised by the people who know her, called a woman better than ‘seven sons’ (seven being an indication of completeness). She bears a child and becomes the vessel God uses to bring fullness in the life of Naomi once again. And today, many generations later, everytime we read the genealogy of Jesus, we read also of a Moabitess, a foreigner, covered under the grace and providence of God.

I wonder what that time between her being a young widow and a bride and mother accomplished in Ruth. Was it steadfastness, patience, perseverance; increased faith in a God who meets our needs? I think it accomplished everything that I saw in her as a little girl and wanted to grow up to be.  

To read the full story of Ruth, go to – http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ruth+1&version=NIV

Who were Deborah and Jael?

Deborah was a prophetess and leader (Judges 4:4). She was an official with very high standing within the community. She held a high administrative position among the Israelite community and settled disputes among them (Judges 4:5). She judged Israel at a time when they were disobedient and rebellious against God and God had given them over to a Canaanite king, Jabin whose army commander was Sisera. Other prophetesses mentioned in the Bible – Miriam (Exodus 15:20), Huldah (2 Kings 22:14), Naodiah (Nehemiah 6:14), Anna (Luke 2:36).

Jael was the wife of Heber the Kenite. Kenites were descendents of Hobab, Moses’ brother in law. Heber had left the other Kenites and pitched his tent elsewhere, thus breaking his allegiance to Isreal and allying with the Cannanite King (Judges 4:11, 5:17). We are not clear whether Jael was an Israelite, but we understand from the events recorded that she chose to keep her previous allegiance to Israel though her husband had breached faith.

God picks women

God picks both Deborah and Jael to complete a victory for the Israelites at a time when women did not have high social standing and there was prejudice against them holding office or being leaders. God is an impartial God. While he has assigned certain key responsibilities to men and women, he does not see one over the other in the work for his Kingdom.

Deborah’s war – Deborah leads the Isrealites to victory against their oppressors when they cry out to God. She is known as a mother to Israel (Judges 5:7) and Isreal had peace for forty years after the triumphant victory over the Canaanite King Jabin.

• Rose as a ‘mother to Isreal’ at a time when they were disobedient and as a consequence, in troubled times
• She unites the army of Israelites (Judges 4:6)
• Prophesies as they leave for war (Judges 4:9, 14)
• Accompanies them to battle; a strong prayer warrior (Judges 4:10)
• Leads Israel in a song of praise and worship because the victory ultimately belonged to God.

Jael – We do not know much background about Jael, yet at a crucial juncture in the war against the Canaanite king, God uses Jael to complete his task and hands over the Canaanite army commander to her, because she remained true to her family’s earlier allegiance to Isreal. We see in Jael a dauntless courageous woman who risks much and kills Sisera though she was ill equipped for such a great task. She was not backed by familial support, an official position, weapons or an army of soldiers but her simple faith in the power of the God of Israel motivated her to take this bold step. The honour for the final victory goes to her as Deborah had prophesised (Judges 4:9, Judges 5: 24 -27).

Who was Rahab?

Rahab was a Canaanite business woman – Though some versions say ‘prostitute’, other early sources refer to her as an ‘innkeeper’; probably also made linen from the flax on her roof or sold the flax itself

A faith against odds

In Rahab, we see a faith which is ‘inspite of’ -

• Inspite of her background – Rahab had a Canaanite background- she was an ‘unbeliever’. She probably grew up in a depraved culture worshipping idols and other gods. She proves to us that the power of God displayed on earth can change people’s convictions and beliefs, whatever their background. Rahab was a woman who heard of the amazing things that God had already done, had the insight to see the truth in it and the boldness to believe it.
• Inspite of circumstances – Rahab gets an order from the King of Jericho himself to release the spies who are staying at her house. She probably was very afraid for herself and her family but chose to trust God over the circumstances that she faced.
• Inspite of consequences – If she was caught, she would be guilty of challenging the highest authority in the land and the consequences would be dear. But she was willing to risk her own life for God’s purposes to be fulfilled.
• Inspite of the fact that she had not experienced this God – We see in Rahab a faith built not on personal experience but through the miracles she had probably only heard about. She did not wait to see and experience this God but had faith in an unseen God – a God who to her at that point was only a ‘foreign’ God.

Rahab’s confession – Joshua 2: 8 – 13

• Before the spies lay down for the night, she went up on the roof and said to them,
• “I know that the LORD has given this land to you – Words of conviction; belief in a God she had only heard about
• and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you. We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted and everyone’s courage failed because of you, – Rahab has accurate information of what the Lord had already done and the effect it had on the Canaanites. This was military intelligence for the Israelites who were encouraged knowing the mental state of the Canaanites at that point (Joshua 2:24)
• ^· for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below – Words of faith and trust in the Power and Sovereignty of God
• Now then, please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you. Give me a sure sign that you will spare the lives of my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them, and that you will save us from death.” – Knew what was going to happen and asks for a binding oath taken in the name of the Lord that would save her and her entire household

A character portrait of Rahab –

• A woman of deep conviction – I know… (Joshua 2:8)
• A woman of great faith – Hebrews 11:31
• A woman of great courage – From Rahab’s strong conviction comes great courage. She followed the right cause and even challenged a command from the King because she trusted God and knew he was the Higher authority
• A woman who declared aloud and spoke her faith – Joshua 2 :8
• A woman who practiced her faith – She not only believed but acted out her faith, though it would not have been easy (James 2:25)
• A smart woman, with great presence of mind  -
  • In dealing with the officers who came looking for the spies – sent them off on a wrong cue – “Go after them quickly. You may catch up with them”
  • In giving the spies the right direction – sent them to the hills which had many caves and made concealment and escape easy
  • In ensuring that her good deed was not wasted – she ensured safety for herself and her family
  • An informed woman – We see how accurately she gives an account of what God had already done. This was also the basis for her faith and conversion to faith in the God of Israel (Joshua 2:10-11)

Faith rewards –

• Both she and her family were not killed and destroyed when the Israelites take over the land (Joshua 6:22-23)
• Was received into the Israelite community and was a partaker in its inheritance
• Became a woman who through the ages has been known and honored for her faith (Hebrews 11:31)

1.Entering a marriage

Should I get married?

The general plan of God for mankind is that they marry, be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). However, there were people in the Bible like Prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 16:1 – 2) and Paul who were called out to remain single through their ministry, by a specific command from God. Unless such a specific call has been put on your heart by God, marriage is in God’s plan for mankind and one should marry.

Being ready

It is very important to be ready for marriage and not enter it just because one has reached a certain life stage. A few years back, while my mother went on a groom hunt I was just not ready. On the other hand was my dear husband who got back from his Post Graduate studies and announced to family that he was ready to get hitched, though he was yet to meet someone. Each of us feels ready at different points in time. Being ready – spiritually, emotionally and financially is of great importance.

Spiritually – have a close walk with God, maturing in Christian faith and walking in discipline. Make sure you are studying the Word regularly, especially understanding marriage in the Biblical context and faithfully praying that God show you the right mate and build in you the right qualities for marriage.

Emotionally – let go of past relationships and hurtful experiences completely and ensure you’re emotionally fit and ready to give yourself to your spouse completely. Ask yourself if you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage.

Financially – have a steady income, save proportionately and have a short term financial plan on how you would manage expenses once you are married.

It is far better to wait than enter a relationship that calls for much maturity and commitment, in a hasty manner.

Another situation is when you feel you are ready but you are just not meeting the right person. Trust God to work things out in his timing. I was married at 26 – rather late by the good Malayali standards. I have friends who waited much longer than that. Some were in their thirties, waiting patiently and prayerfully. But they completely lived up their phase of being single – having a blast, serving God and enjoying that season. And the blessing of marriage came in its time.

Choosing the right mate

For what is often labelled as the second most important decision we make in life after our decision to accept Jesus, this one is a tough cookie to crack – How do I know what kind of a person I should marry?  While each one has a personal view of this (I know someone who had a list of 99 traits she wants in the man she will marry!), there are some non negotiable basic parameters.

Firstly, marry one who shares your love for God – I am reminded of something that an older friend of mine said – ‘I knew nothing when I entered marriage except the fact that he loved My God’. The first parameter in Christian marriage is that we marry a believer – one who believes in Jesus as their personal Saviour and whose lives are centred on eternity. Not an unbeliever or even a nominal church going Christian.

Now what some of us believers attempt is to ‘make them a believer’ before we get married. After all, we love them so much, how could we allow them to go to hell? A mother of two testifies on how she tried so hard to ‘save’ a man she liked, not so much out of eagerness to save his soul but to get married to him.

Someone I know was there a few years back – I am christening her Zoe for now. Zoe spent many months fighting to marry an unbeliever. Having grown up in a Christian environment with a deep love for God in her heart, she knew that this was not the way to go. Yet smitten as she was, she desperately hoped that the guy would believe and become right for marriage. Add to this a challenge from a friend – ‘Doesn’t your God whom you love so much teach you to love others?’ O he sure does! But with a brotherly love, a love that cares for their well being and salvation. But in romantic love, the equations are often a tad bit complicated. In our effort to please each other, we appear to do things that are often not from the heart and only weak compromises. When tough stands have to be taken, such faith hardly stands the test which is what Zoe ultimately realised with this person. It took a clear voice from God for her to finally move out and into the freedom of singlehood! Zoe looks back at that experience many times over and cannot thank God enough for His clear direction even when she was being stubborn and disobedient to his Word. She says often that she cannot begin to imagine the compromises that she would have had to make in her walk with God if she had gone ahead then.

Another argument I have heard is – It should be alright if the boy is Christian because the girl will be joining our family. This is again such a weak argument. The two of them equally partner in the marriage and have much influence, over each other and over the generations to come. We would all love to believe that the boy has strong faith and would influence the girl but what if it happens the other way round? Someone with strong faith would avoid entering marriage on such a compromise and one who does enter marriage with such an excuse is probably one with weak or immature faith who has put romantic love above clear commands from God, and therefore so much more the danger.

In the Old Testament, God gives the Israelites clear instructions not to intermarry with those who worshipped other Gods. We see entire communities becoming corrupt and coming under the wrath of God because of this grave mistake. A few quick stories from the Bible on the disasters of not marrying believers –

• Israelites in the Promised Land were commanded not to intermarry and ally with foreign nations living in that land, because such alliances would compromise their loyalty to God (Joshua 23:12). But they did just that and soon started worshipping other gods (Judges 3:6). Throughout Judges we read the fallouts of turning away from God and how the Israelites came under other rulers as a consequence.
• Solomon is known to be a King who was wise and whose fame spread across nations. Yet such a great king appointed by God is led astray to worship other gods when he marries women of other faith (1 Kings 11:1 – 8). God had already warned Solomon about the consequences of turning away from Him (1 Kings 9:6 – 9) and we read about God’s decision to take the Kingdom away from him in 1 Kings 11: 11 – 13.
• Samson and Delilah – Samson was set apart from birth – he was someone who was to begin the deliverance of Israel from the Philistines (Judges 13: 3 – 5). But Samson marries a Philistine woman though his parents remind him that it is not right (Judges 14:1 – 3) – a marriage that lasts only till the wedding feast is over and ends badly for everyone concerned (Judges 14:12 – 17, 20, 15:3 – 6). He later associates himself with Delilah which ultimately causes his defeat and death.

But just for a moment, even if we leave all this aside and think, for us as married couples to share in the real vision and meaning of Christian love and marriage, our foundation must be on the same rock solid ground – Jesus.  For us to teach and train our children in the awesome Christian experience, both partners must equally understand it and teach it, else our children would be left with confusing spiritual and world views.

Other good advice I have received or read in the past on what to look for while choosing a mate –

• The AIA rule – match Abilities (what you are), Interests (what you like) and Activities (what you do). Make sure you complement each other in all respects.
• Do not ignore addictive habits, abusive behaviour, disturbing past experiences, sexual dysfunction, etc.

All well, but how do I know this is the one?

This is one question we as young women used to ask all the time. So many good fish in the sea – which one did God send for me?!! Will he send me just one or a few from which I can pick? What if I pick the wrong one and destroy God’s perfect plan for my life?

Let us look at each of these questions –    

Is there just one person or many eligible men or women from whom I can pick? I have heard convincing arguments for both sides to this question. Some say that God made only Eve for Adam and not many women from which he could pick. And when Adam first sees Eve he says – ‘Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh’ because he knew Eve was ‘the one’ for him. So God is the one who matches each of us perfectly. Others say that God doesn’t put so much pressure on us to find that ‘one’ and that he has given us free choice as long as the decision we make is within boundaries set by God. Honestly, while I grew up believing the first argument and always thought my name was already written on the heart of the person I was going to marry, I cannot ignore the good sense in the other argument. However, I have realised that if we meet someone who fits our image of whom we want to marry and the relationship is within Godly boundaries, we just need to submit to God and pray about it and if it is not right for us we can trust God to show us that. God is a faithful God! At the end of the day, when you stand at the altar, it hardly matters whether you married the one from among many fish or that one fish, because from this day onward, this is your only one to hold and behold till death do you part.

So how do I even know this is the right person? One answer I have heard from many in the past is the ‘peace’ they have experienced. Not that they weren’t nervous or apprehensive about the future – after all it is a big decision. But deep down, there was absolute assurance that this was all going to be good in the strength of God. Some people pray for months together before they even approach the other person. Some like me, on a stretch, take a week to make a decision! Some couples have had supernatural confirmations about whom they should marry while most others do not. When I prayed about Sunil, I know God spoke to me through Scripture, silent whispers and the peace that for the first time things were simple and not overly complicated. But did lightning strike and did S-U-N-I-L appear across the skies? No! But remember when we are yielded and still, praying for God to take care of things, God Is Faithful – that is the only assurance we need when we make life decisions.

What if I make a wrong decision and destroy God’s perfect plan in my life? Firstly, if you are submitted before God and willing to obey, it is very unlikely that you will make a wrong decision. But also know that God works through our weaknesses and mistakes. He is the creator and finisher of this great plan in our lives (Philippians 1:6). He won’t let anyone destroy it – not even you!

The vision of a Christian marriage

Christian marriages are a shadow of the ultimate relationship between Christ and his church. Now anything short of eternity is imperfect and we cannot expect our marriages which are at best the union between two imperfect people to be perfect. However, when we are grounded in Jesus, we can have great and fulfilling marriages, living out God’s purposes for marriage –

• To bring glory to his name – For all things on earth have been created for his glory
• To build in us Christ likeness – to smooth out the rough edges and build in us character

The basic principles of Christian marriage

Let us go back to the first marriage that God presided over in the Garden of Eden –

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

This verse is repeated four times in various parts of Scripture – In the words of Jesus in Mathew 19:5 and Mark 10:7 and further by Paul in Ephesians 5:31.

The verse mentions three things which are foundational to Christian marriage – to leave, to be united and to become one flesh.

Leaving –

A marriage has its joyful beginning in a rather painful ‘leaving’. Both man and woman must cut away from relationships that they have held on to in the past – parents, siblings, and friends and be joined to their spouse. This in no way means to forget or abandon other relationships but to prioritize the spouse and the marriage relationship above all else and take steps to create an independent family unit (which includes you, your spouse and later your children who are in the nest). A cutting of the umbilical cord needs to happen for the new marriage to grow! Leaving also has to do with past experiences or places – while you may talk about it, focus on shared experiences rather than the old ones that were solely yours.

Most ministers also suggest that ‘leaving’ means that a couple must live on their own and also be free from debt towards their parents. Now this is much debated especially in the Indian context, with most people arguing that Scripture has been wrongly interpreted. However, I can speak from my personal experience. Moving from a very comfortable stay at home to our own apartment has helped us grow as a couple and allowed each of us to fully take on responsibilities of the marriage (like me managing a house and cooking!). This is now ‘our’ space which completely belongs to our family unit, where we can freely make decisions, entertain friends and scream louder when we fight! As long as we are in the nest, we are constantly protected and living under wings. We will begin to fly only when we leave the nest.

Another interesting story I remember is when a friend told me how her husband in his eagerness to please her had ‘left’ his family but become increasingly attached to hers! While she had ‘left’, he was still clinging on to her family. Leaving must be complete in all respects.

Also, while in the Indian context, daughters grow up as the ‘ones who will eventually leave’ that is hardly the case with sons. The Bible clearly states that both man and woman must leave.

While on the subject, let us also look at an oft asked question – Why is a legal marriage important? Why not just live together rather than be married?

Every marriage forms the foundation of the larger community and is always a public event, entered in the presence of God, family and community. Let us look at one of the most beautiful marriages in Biblical history – Isaac and Rebecca. Rebecca was brought from her home country with a large convoy and with familial approval given in marriage to Isaac. So also in the case of Jacob and Leah where there was a grand ceremony to celebrate. No marriage can take place without a public and legal ceremony. Living together is a private arrangement, not quite the ‘uniting’ as intended by God and in the absence of legal binding could fall apart easy; giving community at large a very loose foundation to stand upon.

In earlier times, when a bride left her village, it was a public procession – a legal act of leaving. Today we have banns of marriage or marriage announcements and marriage certificates that make marriages public and bear the fact that we have been united to one another. That is the right way a Christian marriage must begin.

Uniting or cleaving –

The literal sense of the Hebrew word for ‘to cleave’ is to stick to or be glued to. Any experience of having strong glue stuck between your fingers will tell you that you cannot pull your fingers apart without hurting both fingers.  Divorce hurts both husband and wife and is strongly condemned in the Bible.

‘To cleave’ also means that the spouse is more important than any other relationship or thing – children, parents, siblings, work, ministry, talents, etc.

To be able to cleave one must love like Christ loved. With agape love – a love that is not circumstantial but looks above situations, a love that forgives and a love that chooses to stay and be faithful even when you feel like walking out!

Becoming one flesh –

Sex is not dirty in the Bible, when it is within the bounds of marriage. At a youth conference many years ago, the pastor asked what the right place for sex was and pat came the reply from a young guy – ‘eh… the bedroom!’ Well! A healthy sexual relationship is of utmost importance in a Christian marriage and the Bible teaches us not to deny each other unless it has been decided mutually for a time of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:3 – 5)

Becoming one flesh also means to become completely one – in body, mind and spirit. So it also means sharing all material possessions (I am always reminded of Sunil raising his eyebrows when he said this during our vows), thoughts, feelings, failures, pain, hopes, aspirations and dreams.

The relationship between husband and wife – Modelled after Christ and the church

The marriage relationship is best understood in the light of the relationship between Christ and the church.

The Husband’s Headship – a chauvinistic view?

Ephesians 5:22 – 24

According to the Bible, the Husband is considered the Head of the Family and the wife is asked to submit to his authority. Most people are quick to understand this as a chauvinistic old fashioned way of thinking which is no longer relevant to us. But the Bible is relevant across time and culture and it is important to understand headship in the right context. Headship in the Biblical context is more the role of guide or a leader and not a master – slave or boss – subordinate kind of headship. One of the best illustrations that I have heard is that of a couple on a dance floor – the man leads and the woman follows; creating a beautiful, graceful partnership that guides along the floor and creates some stunning moves. One may ask – why shouldn’t the woman lead? Well, I am yet to see a dance like that but even if I did imagine, it just does not seem as beautiful. Perhaps, God created us so distinct in our roles that we do best when we are there.

Headship also comes with responsibility and accountability and the husband is accountable for the spiritual health and the well being of his family.

Now to set a context, it is important to know that in Christ, we are all equal; male and female – Galatians 2:28. Both are partakers in the divine grace that God extends and are considered equal spiritually, though physically and emotionally man and woman are  different with unique strengths and weaknesses – 1 Peter 3:7

What is interesting is also what Paul says in Ephesians 5:21 before going on to speak about the husband’s headship – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We are all to respect each other and serve each other in the Body of Christ. No one is big or small in the Kingdom.

However, within the marriage relationship, the Bible gives us some more guidelines setting clear roles and responsibilities for an equal and effective partnership.

The Husband’s roles and responsibilities

• Love as Christ loved the church – Ephesians 5: 25 – One of my very dear friends once said – ‘The mandate on our husbands is tougher, it is so much easier to submit than to love as Christ did’. I could not agree more. Christ loved us while we were still sinners and became our final sacrifice so that he could present us, his church, clean and unblemished before His father. The church did not deserve such love nor did it do anything to earn it – it was given freely, sacrificially, abundantly. Christ also overlooked the sins of the church, taking it upon himself. Such love is not an emotion or feeling but a decisive choice to love unconditionally.
• And some more love! – Ephesians 5:28, 33, Colossians 3:19 – The Bible further directs the husband to love as he loves himself. The wife is to be viewed as part of his own body. Cherish her! I love the way the Message Bible puts it – To go all out in your love for her! It is not only important to show love but to also speak love and tell her you love her.
• Honor and cherish his wife – Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7 – The Bible exhorts husbands to be courteous, understanding and caring, not harsh to the wife and not to take advantage of her, though she might be physically weaker. He is to honor the wife as a co-heir in Christ. And the Bible also adds – so that nothing may come in the way of your prayers.
• To be the spiritual head of the home – Being the representation of Christ in the family, the husband is the spiritual head of the home, the High Priest and must lead the way to build the family spiritually
• To provide for the family – 1 Timothy 5:8 – It is the primary responsibility of the man to work hard and provide for his family. A good man also manages finances wisely leaving an inheritance for generations – Proverbs 13:22
• To partner is teaching and disciplining the children – 1 Timothy 3:5 – 6 – The father has a role in building the children spiritually and otherwise and bringing them up in the ways of the Lord. The Bible also instructs us to do this in love, so that children do not turn rebellious or become discouraged – Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21

The Wife’s roles and responsibilities

As a young woman, ever since I got the grasp of what womanhood means, I have been in love with Proverbs 31, wanting my life to be exactly that. That is my dye into which I would like to mould myself. So let us look at what God expects from the wives.

• To submit – Ephesians 5:22 – I cannot begin to say how hard this is! I have struggled with it since the day I was married and well, am still learning. It is hard to grasp the meaning of submission because it definitely does not mean servitude or ‘being under’. But who better to learn from Jesus who in His time on earth submitted completely to the will of His Father and who suffered the insults and agony that was thrown at him by those who hated him (I Peter 2: 21 – 24). If God himself submitted that we may have life eternal, then why is it such a bad word for most of us women? We are to follow Christ’s example and submit to the loving leadership of our husbands (1 Peter 3:1) and by doing this we honour God (Colossians 3:18)
• To be a helpmate – Genesis 2:18 – The woman was created not from the foot of the man that she might be trampled over or from the head that she may rule over him, but from the rib bone that she might partner with him. Wives are their husband’s right hand – encouraging and continually supporting them to fulfil their potential and break through into their destiny. We are to bring them good all the days of our lives (Proverbs 31: 12)
• To love her husband – Titus 2:4 – One things that comes to mind when I see love in this context is a ‘love that adores’, as the church adores and loves Christ. It is also agape love – unconditional and not based on emotions but a decisive choice.
• To love and care for her children – Titus 2:4
• To manage the home – Titus 2:4, Proverbs 31: 15, 27 – The primary role of the woman is to manage the home and create a healthy and pleasant atmosphere for the family. This does not mean she cannot have a career or work outside; but this must not come at the cost of her family and home which is her primary calling. In fact, we see in the Proverbs 31 woman such a rounded image of one who is not only active at home but also trades, makes deals and earns a profit (Proverbs 31: 16 – 18, 24)
• To treasure and enjoy her femininity and inner beauty – Proverbs 31:30 – Femininity is not a weakness as many of us have come to believe now but strength. It is what compliments a man’s innate characteristics thus creating a strong union. It is what spurs a man forward to become what he has been called to be.
• Other characteristics
  • Having the fear of God – Proverbs 31: 30
  • Emotionally grounded/ balanced – Quiet and gentle spirit, Self controlled, Not malicious/ gossiping – Titus 2:4, 1 Timothy 3:11
  • Kind hearted, to have a heart for the poor, needy and those as working for us like our maids – Titus 2:4, Proverbs 31: 15, 20
  • Dignified – not loose/ loud – Proverbs 31: 25
  • Modest in dressing – 1 Timothy 2:9 – This does not mean that we are not to dress smart (Proverbs 31:22) but that we maintain modesty in what we wear and how we carry ourselves and not be vain and extravagant
  • Knowledgeable – One who studies and understands Scripture,  is wise and can give faithful instruction to those who need it – Proverbs 31:26
  • Plans for the future and ensures her family’s safety during trying times – Proverbs 31: 21, 25
  • Not idle and lazy; active and having energy – Proverbs 31: 17, 27
  • To be someone whom the husband can be confident in and trust – Proverbs 31:11

Now what God has brought together let no man put asunder

The only ground where the Bible allows for divorce is adultery – Mathew 19:3 – 9. But here too God would love us to forgive and overlook just as he did on the cross – Ephesians 4:32

And one person not fulfilling their marital duties is no excuse for the other not to fulfil his/ her responsibilities. Or one person not treating the other right is no excuse for the other one to do the same – Romans 12: 17 – 21, Luke 6: 27 – 35. Continue to do what God has called you to do in the marriage and do more if needed and persevere in prayer so that God might work in your partner and make your marriage a blessing to you and to many others.

References

The Bible – New International Version

I Married You – Walter Trobisch

www.bible.ca

www.crosswalk.com

Everything belongs to God. God does not need our money.

God owns everything on the face of the earth (Psalm 24:1). He is no man’s debtor. God does not need our money but He wants us to recognise and acknowledge that he is Jehovah Jireh – our provider and we must worship him with what he has blessed us with. He also uses us as vessels to bless others and His work on earth.

What are Tithes?

A tenth of all that we receive – salary, bonus, gifts, etc. (Genesis 14: 20, Deuteronomy 14:22, Deuteronomy 26:12)

• Tithe is a share Reserved for a King (1 Samuel 8: 15, 17)
• It Belongs to God (Leviticus 27:30); not giving tithes or giving only part of the tithes is robbing God (Malachi 3:8 – 10). Tithing is therefore acknowledging the giver.
• It is Holy to the Lord – Leviticus 27:30

Should I tithe my gifts? The Levites who served in the tabernacle and did not have an inheritance of their own also tithed from what the Israelites offered.  (Numbers 18:25 – 29)

Should I tithe from my gross salary or net salary? We are to tithe from ALL that we get which would be the gross amount. Taxes, employee funds, etc. have to be seen as other expenses after the first share goes to God.

The Purpose of Tithes

• For the work of God on earth
• For the people who have dedicated themselves to the work of God – like the Levites in the Israelite community (Numbers 18: 21, Deuteronomy 14:27). We are not to ignore the needs of those who have dedicated their service to God and have no other income of their own (Deuteronomy 12: 19). But many pastors today work and don’t need our tithe! Even if pastors choose both work and ministry, the church still works from the tithes that people give. Working pastors too will themselves tithe to the church. Also, all men who serve God deserve our support financially and emotionally to spur them on in their service to God. Even among the Levites, there could have been some who got other income, for instance from the sale of family possessions, but they continued to have equal share among the Levites (Deuteronomy 18:8)
• For those in need  – the destitute, the homeless (Deuteronomy 14: 29)

The Promise that follows

The Spiritual principle is that we will receive as we sow.  It is an absolute surety – Give, and it WILL be given to you. (Luke 6:38). In fact this is one area where God challenges us to test him and see the rewards. (Malachi 3:8 -12)

• God will bless the work of our hands (Deuteronomy 14: 22 – 29, Proverbs 3:9 – 10).
• He will give us more than we can contain; more than enough; plenty to spare – A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. (Malachi 3:10, 2 Chronicles 31:10, Luke 6:38)
• Prevent us from financial and economic downturns; keep us safe during those times (Malachi 3:11)

Disclaimer 1: Tithing is not a means to salvation. (Ephesians 2:8 – 9)

Disclaimer 2: Tithing alone will not bring financial rewards. While it is a step of faith and the beginning, it is also important to manage our money well, budget and spend wisely, cut down on unnecessary expenses and work hard.

When did the practice of tithing begin?

We hear of tithing right from Abraham’s time (Genesis 14:20). Jacob also tithed (Genesis 28: 22). So this is a practice that was present from the time of the early father of faith.

It was commanded to the Israelites (Numbers 18:21, Deuteronomy 14: 22 – 29), under the Mosaic covenant. The Israelites had three types of tithes –

1. The general tithe which was paid to the Levites (Numbers 18:21) , who in turn had to give a tenth of that to the priests (Numbers 18:26)
2. The tithe associated with the sacred meal involving offerer and Levite (Deuteronomy 14:22 – 27)
3. The tithe paid every three years to the poor – a tenth of that year’s produce to be stored in the towns (Deuteronomy 14:22 – 27)

There is no specific mention of tithing in the New Testament but we see that the Early church too gave generously in proportion to their income (Corinthian Church – 1 Corinthians 16:2) and even beyond their ability (Macedonian Church – 2 Corinthians 8:2 – 3).

So, is tithing relevant for us, who are under the New Covenant?

There are many arguments suggesting that tithing is an Old Covenant practice and under the New Covenant, there is no minimum requirement or compulsion to give and one can give as one is able and willing. However, I strongly believe that we who are under a better and more glorious covenant must tithe and even if the Bible does not specifically mention tithing in the New Testament, I would rather tithe and give freely from what I have been given rather than hold back!

• We are the seed of Abraham and we give as our forefathers gave before the Mosaic Law came into place
• Though we are no more under the Mosaic covenant, it does not mean that God’s commandments to His people then holds no value for us today!
• We are now under a higher covenant and our tithing must be a bare minimum we give back to God. In fact, Jesus is said to be the High Priest who collects in the tithes (Hebrews 7:8)
• Jesus while talking to the Pharisees mentions that tithing must be done (Mathew 23:23). Some commentators argue that at this time, we were still under the Mosaic Law and therefore Jesus endorsed this.
• When Paul writes to the Corinthian church asking them to set aside money every week to give to those affected by the famine, he asks them to set aside ‘in keeping with their income’ or a proportion of what they earn (though he does not mention a tenth) and not ‘as they please’

Where do I give my tithes?

Where to give the tithes is also a matter of much debate because many people believe they have the freedom to choose and give to those who are really in need. Let us look at how it has been practiced in the Bible -

• Abraham offers his tithes to Melchezidek – the High Priest, A Royal Priesthood (Genesis 14:20)
• Israelites were to bring it to the Sanctuary, the House of God and nowhere else – because there were many Canaanite worship sites as well; after the desert wanderings Moses established a central place of worship in the city of Canaan  (Deuteronomy 12:5, 17, 18, Deuteronomy 14:23, Deuteronomy 26: 2).
• The tithe brought in every three years was also brought to the storehouses in the towns (Deuteronomy 14:28). It was then divided – share for the Levites, those in need, etc. (Deuteronomy 14:29)
• Once the temple was built in Solomon’s time, there were storehouses or treasury rooms in the sanctuary to which all the tithes and contributions were brought (2 Chronicles 31:12; Nehemiah 13:12). Trustworthy men were then put in charge of it to distribute it from there (Nehemiah 13:13).
• During the reign of Hezekiah, we see how the people brought in their tithes to a central place and piled it up forming heaps and they were blessed (2 Chronicles 31: 5 – 8 )
• In the Early church, during the famine in Jerusalem, churches were asked to set an amount proportionate to their income (1 Corinthians 16:1 – 3). Since it was to be given on the first day of the week, the day for worship, it was most probably brought to the church and not set side at home. It was then sent to Jerusalem through men who were selected and approved by the church. In the Early Church, Deacons (spirit filled and wise men) were appointed by the church to ensure needs were met fairly (Acts 6:1 – 5)

I believe our tithes must go to the local church to which we belong and on a personal level, I have found it a better practice because –

• That has been the practice throughout the Bible – in the times of our forefathers, during the Old Covenant, in the Early Church, and that is the pattern for us to follow.
• We must not neglect the House of the Lord. The work of the church and furthering God’s Kingdom on earth is our foremost priority. Most churches rely primarily on the contributions from its people so I believe we must give the basic minimum that God has stipulated into the church and the work there. If we as believers who belong to church do not give, who else will? But I don’t trust it to be used wisely and judiciously. If I belong to a church, I must trust the people there and those who handle the money and know that God will work through them to give to the right places and use the money for the right purposes. If I do not trust the church or do not approve of how they use money, I would rather find a better church where I am comfortable.
• We need to support ministers and other church staff – those who spend their time in serving the Lord, like the Levites in the Old Testament (Nehemiah 13:10 – 11, 1 Corinthians 9:11 – 12)
• Tithe is not the only contribution we are to make. While this is the minimum that goes to the local church, we also give offerings and alms – for other ministry work or those in need. This must not be confused with the tithes. So let the tenth go to the local church and then you give beyond that to meet other needs as God leads you to.
• There is a danger of using the tithes for just about anything and everything – perhaps even gifts to people we know only because they are economically disadvantaged. This is ‘robbing’ God of what is due to him and we limit our generosity in giving to this ten percent when God expects us to do more. Remember – the more we give, the more we will receive!
• From a practical standpoint, I am able to ensure my tithes go in time and the whole amount is given regularly because I am not hunting for the ‘suitable need’.

When do I give my tithes?

We must practice tithing regularly and on time so that it is not accumulated and later forgotten or even spent! In the Old Testament, there were rules and regulations on when to bring in the offerings. Though we do not have such clear directions now, I think the most practical way is to tithe as soon as we receive (A good order for handling our finances – Receive – Tithe – Budget – Save – Spend). This way you are first acknowledging the giver before using that money for other needs and you also ensure that you tithe before the money gets used for other purposes. Let us not stand in debt before God just because he does not charge a fat interest!

What is the right attitude to giving tithes?

• Cheerfully and not under compulsion – God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7)
• Rejoicing and giving thanks for all that God has given (Deuteronomy 26:11). The church must rejoice in the tithes that come in – giving thanks to God for the blessings in the church, his people, just as the Levites rejoiced along with the people.
• Give expecting blessing (Deuteronomy 26:15). The Israelites prayed for blessing upon their land after presenting their tithes. It is absolutely fine to expect a blessing and pray for financial breakthrough and blessing because that is the promise that we have in God.

Verses to remember

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Luke 6:38)

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” (Malachi 3:10)

Resources –

Classics Devotional Bible – NIV – Zondervan Bible Publishers

The NIV Study Bible – Zondervan Bible Publishers

www.christianpf.com

www.freemoneyfinance.com